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Is this my responsibility?

How could somebody who is so intelligent, knowledgeable and smart, someone who researches everything, once trust and believe in the knowledge of only one person? So much so that it never even crossed my mind that there could be a truth other than his words... and I did so for years until the therapy sessions that I had after I was diagnosed with autism. I now have dozens of answers to the question of how I came to believe so blindly in a person, but I don't really know which one is right to this day; however, despite all the troubles, pains, losses, betrayals and lies I have experienced because of this belief, so many different doors have opened in front of me that I have even learnt to smile at my past, albeit bitterly... But the most important thing I have learnt is that it is my responsibility to find my own truth. Unfortunately, this can be a little difficult for those with autism, but this truth applies to all of us... 

Everyone should find their own truth... With their own method, their own beliefs, their own knowledge and their own mind... I now know that there is no truth that is presented on a tray, at least not for me; there is no such truth... Therefore, for the last few years, just like in my teenage years, I started to learn only for myself. And this state of learning has opened and continues to open such beautiful doors for me... Each time, I want to learn a little more... Sometimes it is not easy, especially in exams where I have to read thick English psychology books and write pages of answers... Although sometimes the fear of not being able to do it froze me to the bone, I learned to continue despite it... Although sometimes I said: "This is the end, I will not attend any more courses after this, I am exhausted, I succeeded every time and successfully completed all the courses I started.

In the United Kingdom, when you are registered in a professional chamber related to your profession (I am registered in two different professional chambers as both a psychological counsellor (therapist) and a behavioural, cognitive hypnotherapist), you must receive training for the hours they deem appropriate in order to maintain your registration in that professional chamber. In other words, professional development and training are very important regardless of your experience while doing your profession here... For this reason, even if I say that I will never attend another course again, I find myself in another training again after a very short time. 

Last month, I finished THE UK College of Hypnosis and Hypnotherapy training. It was not easy for me. According to my counsellor, among his students, no one has completed the training, the work to be done, the reports to be written, the oral exams and the first part of the exam in 4 months. This training is supposed to last for a year. I finished it in four months, but during these four months, I studied, studied and studied day and night... I don't remember the last time I studied so much... In the meantime, I am waiting for the result of my last exam to get my diploma. While my knowledge was very fresh, I took the course on smoking cessation with behavioural cognitive hypnotherapy. I have already received my certificate as a smoking cessation therapist. Thus, I will now be able to help those who want to quit smoking, overeating and alcohol. The fact that I can finish this training so quickly is one of the gifts of autism because when I get really curious and interested in a subject, I have to learn everything about that subject. It becomes my only goal, and I really don't see anything else. 

Despite everything I have been through, I still love to guide people in order to help them, BUT I never forget the magic sentence I have learned while doing this: "What others do or do not do in their own lives is not my responsibility" As a result of what I have experienced, what I have learned and the therapies I have seen, my experiences and the training that I have received, I have learned very clearly what my responsibility is, and what is not my responsibility... I keep asking myself the same question to get rid of my belief that I have to fix everything that some autistics have:  "Is this my responsibility?"

When I look back, there are many times when I wish I had known how to say "It is not my responsibility" when and where necessary, but in the end, I learned... It is not my responsibility to fix and organise the lives of others; it is their responsibility... And the road to hell is really paved with stones of goodwill... For this reason, I often ask myself, "Is this my responsibility?"


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