Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from January, 2020

Here is my project…

By denying our own personal pain, we have created the current world where the absence of love is called love. Today, perhaps what lies beneath the hypocritical life we have reached is denial. Denial of the need to confront the deadly fear we have for the pain we’ve engraved within ourselves. Pain and empathy are strongly related to each other and oppressing pain destroys empathy. The more we are open to pain, the more capable we are of feeling empathy. As long as we continue to refuse to understand the link between the denial of our own pain and its alliance with authority - rather than being an expression of internalized behavior – morality will be nothing more than etiquette. 
It’s part of my Asperger nature that I always communicate well with nature and animals;  they are a catalyst to my work and my life.  I first rode a horse in Brecon whilst learning English back in 1994 and on returning to Turkey I got my own horse which I rode every day. Then in my novel, “You exist in no way”,…

I could hear the Elan Valley calling for me...

Once you become alienated from your surroundings, slowly you’d become more introverted. You’d start searching for your desire to belong in Nature; starting on the mountains, spreading to the meadows, branching out the trees, and becoming a bridge between the melody of the culture you were not born to and yourself.  Nature determines the belonging on behalf of you and you take sanctuary in your new culture: not upsetting you; not betraying your trust; not making any surprises.  From then on, to belong would mean rhythm, and finds oneself in nature. When you can't find words, you learn the language of Nature. The wind, mountains,   rain, land…
Everything started on Facebook. One night I was checking my Facebook page and one of my friends had shared information about the Elan Valley fellowship. Normally if it is some application there I always ignore it. It doesn’t matter what it is. But when I read about the fellowship and saw Elan Valley picture in spite of myself my heart start run…

My childhood...

Words, sentences, meanings, identity, being, being me, not being me, to belong, not to belong, to be quiet, to express, to write language, to utter language, not to utter language, to accept, to be quiet, to be crushed, to be crushed, to be crushed...
For as long as I can remember, I have dwelled upon who I am because I have always been the weird one. 

When I was five years old, my mother and father were hospitalized for two years as a result of a road accident, and then finally, my mother died. Everyone connected my weirdness to what I had been through. Therefore, there was always a tolerance mixed with pity around me, which I hated. However, before the accident, I was a charming, cheeky monkey as well as being weird. I was constantly speaking, forever curious, always asking questions, observing everything, spending time with adults instead of playing with my peers.

Six months before our accident my brother was born. Before he was born I had questions about where this baby came from. My…

Kitty Home

I could hear the mountains calling me... the higher I climbed the more I was lost in the landscape ... the more the wind purified me. It was sweeping away all restrictions and oppressions and obligations… It took my feelings, my pain, my anger... It was as if I knew how to fly… the world diminishing when seen from the pinnacle, the screams of the kites, the roars of the cliffs … I knew how to fly… 
I had lost my trust in people, in myself and in life. I lost everything. This was a huge turning point. I felt so disappointed, so much pain, no value in moving forward. Back then,  many times  I thought of putting an end to my life. But I couldn't do it because of my son and Pinar. The only solution I could find was walking. I started walking every day for 5 or 6 hours without talking. I cried for weeks and I walked for months.  I met with Andy after this walking period when I felt more peaceful. He loves walking, cycling, sailing, traveling and back then he had a motorhome which I cal…