MELTEM ARIKAN

I embraced death I understood the cycle I lived with cycles Death, a door Door, a transition Transition, an end End was a beginning  I accepted this I learned you can die Even when you are alive Blowing away in ruthlessness Burning in lies Freezing in merciless spite I learn what is accepting Like nature Just how it was Death like life A part of us Our divine And you can die Even when you are alive…. I never thought I would find out what love truly was during my calm and peaceful life in Elan Valley. I would wake up with the bright light of the sun, the birds telling their songs. After morning tea, go for a walk, sometimes along the river, sometimes on top of the hills, sometimes to the forest, sometimes on the road to the internet point… I bring food for the birds and squirrels who accompany me during my walk. One of my pathways was covered with dead blackberries and nettles. The nettles which burn everyone only itch my skin a tiny bit. The nettles heal my shingles. But the season...

My path is in Elan Valley  Made of meaning Step by step Everything about my soul  Encoded in it Even sometimes The ground is soaked Slowing me down This is time on my own This is an adventure I’m under no obligation to be objective  This is my journey and has set off a whole line of emotion… When I first came to Wales I was in love with Brecon, then I discovered the mountains of Snowdonia, and they drew me in. Then I came to Elan Valley and had the feeling I was in Brecon again. It’s hard to explain with words, but I had a connection as if I had found my roots.  Several years ago I wrote two theatre plays and toured with each of them all around Wales. Having had the opportunity to tour the country twice, I am sure Powys is my place. Cardiff is a lovely city but I’m not a city person. Living very happily in Elan Valley, I made my decision to live around thereafter my fellowship in February 2021. This meant I had to start searching now. Trying to find a rental house is...

Words cannot give me a reality I learned this harshly They only indicate They only point I want to reach beyond words And I now know only nature can teach that to me…

Birds tell us what to do   Holding the sun As if it is never down       Love makes us feel alive Sleeping in silence As if dark noises never come Dreams make heart beat fast Dreaming in blue Mother of sight Above the earth  no place to hide Above my thoughts walk through blindly  on the green lines When Rebecca arrived, I was so excited about our week. I know she loves walking, hiking, and wildlife, but at the same time, I knew she was five months pregnant. So this could be unique for both of us. Sitting by the fire, just woken up from a deep nap. It’s tranquil here! I knew there was no internet and no phone signal and being used to camping and walking in the wilderness that felt ok. Before I got here… now it feels like an adjustment! The thought of a quiet evening… no internet, no films, no one is coming and going on the street outside… a little daunting, but I imagine it could be extremely grounding. I ofte...

During the time I spent in Elan Valley I thought, learned, created, and discovered a lot… Life is totally different in Elan Valley. I was happy to participate in two different events while I was staying there and they both impacted me positively. The first event was “An Evening with Alyn Wallace-Astro, Landscape and Timelapse Photographer” on 14 February in Y Star Inn. Andy and I went to the event together and we had totally forgotten that it was Valentine's Day. The restaurant was nicely decorated for Valentine’s Day. Before the event started, I had a chance to talk to Alyn. His Turkish was amazing and he loves Turkey. We had delicious bread and cheese, Cawl, and also a very special cake to celebrate… Everything I observed there was full of sincerity, simplicity and neutrality. It was interesting for me to see how people behave very differently to the English and the Welsh, to Cardiff and Valley people, to people from North, South and Mid Wales, even to village and town...

Full of seedlings... Yearning for blue roses This path Opens our weaknesses  Like a song That remains Full of roses And dead silence Being reborn With every century  That inks into A new chapter (Filiz Çelik)

I’m ok... You are ok... Love me, look at me, value me, attend to me, On being boss, on having power, on winning the race I don’t feed myself on that… If I feed myself on others... If I am nourishing material.. I know I’ve lost my soul… I haven’t lost any of my excitement while I’m living in Elan Valley. Everything is so new but at the same time, everything reminds me of my childhood. The smell of burning wood, the cold bathroom, buckets in the bathroom, the ‘voices’ coming from the wood burner. Silence and the sound of the radio which we bought had a couple of days ago… I was born in a house with a wood burner but after three years we moved into a flat which had central heating and a shower. But my dad, uncle, and their aunt lived in Keçiöğren when I was a child. Keçiören was a village far from the city centre. People there live in a cottage or in small apartment buildings with a maximum of three floors. They have big gardens with different fruit t...

I long to reach myself but I touch an invisible glass wall made of broken pieces I can’t connect with me I’m losing the ability to name what is real for me I have forgotten to notice birdsong I can hear the song of every individual bird  While I’m living in Elan Valley Andy was driving from Leamington to Elan Valley with me. I had car sickness because of too much excitement. I wanted to talk nonstop but I knew I was repeating myself. This excitement is too much for me to handle. For the first time in my life, I will be able to live in a cottage by myself in the middle of nowhere in Wales. We were not only driving to Elan Valley, but we were also driving into my dream. A dream for which I had waited so long… The weather is very pleasing. All the clouds in the sky were making art shows and celebrating my journey. Blue, white, grey, they were following us and changing their shape… The wind there, there to blow us gently along… And the sun joined my happiness wit...

My feeling is clear in my inside ragged on the outside I  see only the clear I  see to the heart  of essence I see only clear  I  lose myself easily  I force myself to clean disturbing memories  with the whisper of nature I want to... I need to... I'm ready to... I’m in Royal Leamington Spa now and I’m so excited. İn two days I'll be living in Elan Valley. New home, new area, new neighbour, new people, new routing, new discovery… It’s not easy for me to handle all these new things. As an Aspie woman, routine, ritual, and repetition are very important to me. They give my life structure. Within my routine, I always know what I need to do next. I’m easily upset by new routines or quick changes in my diary. Routines are very predictable and give me a sense of control. Unpredictability or unplanned days make me so anxious. I have a need to plan or script every moment so that I feel in control even if I’m not. Routines provide a ...