MELTEM ARIKAN

When I cut off from the world Rejected Blocked Humiliated It’s excruciating Watch all of my idols die. Right before my eyes I’ve given up on my past. Upon the people I love In the madness and soil Of that earthy scene I’ve given up  All my dreams Upon the people, I believe. When I cut off from the world My heart apart Tomorrow will take me away. Far from this world No one will ever know my name. When days have gone by I'll close my eyes from this world. I wash everything away. Before I turn to dust No thought for tomorrow No thought for yesterday Watch everything burning The bridge is crossed,  I’m not afraid I face everything A time to surrender A time to forgive I wash everything away. Before I pass the point of no return In Turkey, before winter comes, we put all our summer clothes away and get the winter ones out, because the weather changes so dramatically. Winter is frigid, and the summer is scorching. I always enjoy doing that. I tried to do that in Wales, too, but this...

Birds tell us what to do   Holding the sun As if it is never down       Love makes us feel alive Sleeping in silence As if dark noises never come Dreams make heart beat fast Dreaming in blue Mother of sight Above the earth  no place to hide Above my thoughts walk through blindly  on the green lines When Rebecca arrived, I was so excited about our week. I know she loves walking, hiking, and wildlife, but at the same time, I knew she was five months pregnant. So this could be unique for both of us. Sitting by the fire, just woken up from a deep nap. It’s tranquil here! I knew there was no internet and no phone signal and being used to camping and walking in the wilderness that felt ok. Before I got here… now it feels like an adjustment! The thought of a quiet evening… no internet, no films, no one is coming and going on the street outside… a little daunting, but I imagine it could be extremely grounding. I ofte...

It’s dark outside, totally dark, pitch black. Unknowns hidden in the dark, Jinnies, monsters, creatures living in the forest and worse, bad humans. I’m looking at it from my “safe” indoors, What I’m seeing are the fears of my mind, soul I should go out; Go out and see or smell or feel. Stand in the middle of darkness to see that nothing bad will happen. I can’t see that from where I am now Going out, Facing it is safer for my soul than looking at it afar and getting afraid of my own demons. (Aylin Yazan  ) Aylin is my third guest. She is a Turkish journalist working for the BBC and living in London. She came from London to Llanidioes on Sunday. Our plan was that me and Andy could pick her up from there and have a lovely dinner in my cottage. But life made another plan for us. There was a storm and very heavy rain. We were waiting for Aylin in the pub but a message came from her instead. It said “Because of the rain the bus had to change its route. W...

Full of seedlings... Yearning for blue roses This path Opens our weaknesses  Like a song That remains Full of roses And dead silence Being reborn With every century  That inks into A new chapter (Filiz Çelik)

I long to reach myself but I touch an invisible glass wall made of broken pieces I can’t connect with me I’m losing the ability to name what is real for me I have forgotten to notice birdsong I can hear the song of every individual bird  While I’m living in Elan Valley Andy was driving from Leamington to Elan Valley with me. I had car sickness because of too much excitement. I wanted to talk nonstop but I knew I was repeating myself. This excitement is too much for me to handle. For the first time in my life, I will be able to live in a cottage by myself in the middle of nowhere in Wales. We were not only driving to Elan Valley, but we were also driving into my dream. A dream for which I had waited so long… The weather is very pleasing. All the clouds in the sky were making art shows and celebrating my journey. Blue, white, grey, they were following us and changing their shape… The wind there, there to blow us gently along… And the sun joined my happiness wit...

My feeling is clear in my inside ragged on the outside I  see only the clear I  see to the heart  of essence I see only clear  I  lose myself easily  I force myself to clean disturbing memories  with the whisper of nature I want to... I need to... I'm ready to... I’m in Royal Leamington Spa now and I’m so excited. İn two days I'll be living in Elan Valley. New home, new area, new neighbour, new people, new routing, new discovery… It’s not easy for me to handle all these new things. As an Aspie woman, routine, ritual, and repetition are very important to me. They give my life structure. Within my routine, I always know what I need to do next. I’m easily upset by new routines or quick changes in my diary. Routines are very predictable and give me a sense of control. Unpredictability or unplanned days make me so anxious. I have a need to plan or script every moment so that I feel in control even if I’m not. Routines provide a ...

Once you become alienated from your surroundings, slowly you’d become more introverted. You’d start searching for your desire to belong in Nature; starting on the mountains, spreading to the meadows, branching out the trees, and becoming a bridge between the melody of the culture you were not born to and yourself.  Nature determines the belonging on behalf of you and you take sanctuary in your new culture: not upsetting you; not betraying your trust; not making any surprises.  From then on, to belong would mean rhythm, and finds oneself in nature. When you can't find words, you learn the language of Nature. The wind, mountains,   rain, land… Everything started on Facebook. One night I was checking my Facebook page and one of my friends had shared information about the Elan Valley fellowship. Normally if it is some application there I always ignore it. It doesn’t matter what it is. But when I read about the fellowship and saw Elan Valley picture in spite of myself...